Day 9: things that make you happy

Okay..that's the cruel challenge. cause now, i don't know what things that make me happy. i'm stuck with saddest thing now. hahah. lol.okay let me think first...

Nah.. i know the happy thing that i can do.. shopping time :) Yeah. but now i can't shopping very well cause i should spent my money to my son.. Haikal. :) He's already wanna go to kindergarten school.. so as his mom. i should give him as perfect as i could. because i'am his mother. so if i wanna go to shopping.. maybe i buy something that Haikal can use it. such as...

hurm..food too. will make me happy. OMG.....~ my weight.. please delete this picture emma... :( but never mind. diet and exercise will be consistence after this. InsyaAllah.. :)

Oh. I like snapping a picture. :) or maybe more accurate my own picture, hahaha,, awkward when people staring at me when i snap my own picture. hah. who the hell are you guys.. be myself. yeah. so this is me.. :)

Oh no... i'm so cute,, :)

Day 8: things that make you sad

Of course when i got divorced... :(

The thing that i don't want in my life happened..

such as lost my best partner because of me or maybe because of him too..

cuz i do love him so much.. and whatever happen.. i'll still love him. 

and i don't know until when my love stuck with him..

Allah know the best for me..

but i promise to my life.. until i find the one. i'll love him. no regret.

so now, the most saddest that i have is..... lost AMIR TAKIYUDDIN SAIFULLAH.. even he'll hate me.. i don't care.. as long as we have a bone to each other.. i'm not going to hate you.. even you said my promise is fuckup.. then you'll see how long can i keep my heart for you.. but someday if somebody could grab my heart.. i'll thank you to you cause keep my heart feel that i'm not alone.. cuz you're my son's father.. :)

Day 7: a show or a movie that has changed you, and how

The Promise

Awesome novel.

I know challenge was talking about movie not a novel.

but i prefer the novel rather than the movie itself.

I cried and laugh during my journey of reading this novel.

the novel had warned all their readers to get ready for a wet journey

and i didn't believe it. until it happen to me..

so every time and every where i make a promises.. i'll make sure i'll keep it.. :) cuz it hurt when someone who give you promise but never do it.. :'(

Day 6: something you would like to change about yourself

my height..please. 

i'm petite. 

just 150cm to be exact. 

since?? 

i'm 16, from then on i stop growing tall.

and my mom always asking me

 'why the heck are you so petite?' 

because if i'm a little bit tall, then i'll be busy being like my cousin.. shopping and fashioning... 

hahahaaa..

but i love my height!!

 there are some awesome side of it too. 

i can always wear a short dress with my jeans and looks so damn adorable. 

i will always looks cute!! XD

have you heard of pumps, stilettos, high heels? they are here to save us. 

Day 5: something you would change about the world

let spongebob rules the world!! 

hahahaaa..

nah..it would be..

world peace.. no more war.. 

Day 4: how you think your life would change if you achieved your dream

getting famous? have lots of friends? more money?

hmmm..

there will be more problems arise. less time to play.

 more stress, less time to sleep and do the things i love.

but.. 

my dream is to turn my happiness into life. 

to look my ideas to the world. 

to be able to express myself. 

so one thing for sure that will change in my life is.. 

i'm satisfied with my life.

 no more regrets. 

and the person who totally make mine happy is

Amir Muhammad Haikal.. :)

Coffee break

Hi i wanna talk a lot for this post. so get ready for someone who unfortunately reading this post. Okeh.. I'm not single. Doesn't mean I have a boyfriend. NO! I'm single parents. or maybe the best word is i'm widow. hahah.. with a son. yeah perfectly son. handsome like his father, cute like me, genius like both of us. maybe. Okey this is my son..

he's try to be just like a lion..

Haa... cute right? like me. pheww...~ Okeh stop about my son first. Lets talk about my ex husband. ha why we got divorced? cuz he can't understand me and me either. yeah. we both have so many different. he like to talk too much and joking is his life. urgh..sometime i feel like "oh please. stop doing stupid action. be gentle." and sometime i cant understand what he want to show me. ok. stop. next differences. i'm too control him. yeah. i like he do whatever i want. not because i dont love him. i do love him until now. that's my lack. and i thought that he can accept my lack. no.not at all. and why i cant change mine? it take time babe. and maybe there's no time for me to be his good wife act. bla bla bla..

last honeymoon at pangkor before we seperated

ha...that's my ex.. handsome right? okay. my life after we got divorced. suck! totally suck because i do remember my ex. and honestly until now.and it's become suck suck suck when i know that he already have a girlfriend. Huh.. what's that mean? not even 1 month. Hurm.. i'm jealous. cuz that girl got what i lost.

until now, i hate that girl. even she try to be nice with me. and how cruel i'm when i want my ex back. i dont care bout my money, my pride and everything. just because i want him. how can i look he's too happy but at my side. i'm suffer..
now, everything is over. over, enough and done. he hate me. yeah. he hate me. more and more. just because i want him break with his girlfriend. so what are you waiting emma????? kenape kau tunjuk diri kau terlalu bodoh dimata diorang?? kenape kau mencintai lelaki yg tak boleh menerime kau seadenye?? kenape kau tmasih nak menyayangi lelaki yang tak boleh memberi kau peluang terakhir walaupun kau merayu dia? ok.. the simple answer because i give too much hope. hope that i'll forever and ever with him. hope that i'll have a better family, happy.. but..everything is gone now. past is past..

tadaa...~ my happy family. 

okeh.. stop it. emma please dont do stupid action.cuz u have haikal.. ops.. forgot to state my son's name. Amir Muhammad Haikal. :) my familys-in-law called him Ash. but now Ash does't want anybody call him Ash. His said.. "jangan panggil Ash ni Ash la... name Ash Haikal..panggil Ash, Haikal" hahaha... what should i called him if he still use ash?

starting now. i want to change my whole life. to become more success. more better, more happy. and the first thing that i want is. find God. Allah.. i know i'm too far from Him now. that why He give me this test tp show me that i'm already forget bout Him.. Thanks Allah. please make my heart full with your bless and Hidayah,,

the next year. Haikal going to school. :) wink3x...~ already done with his thing to go to school.. the fee for his school is too much but i think better than the others school. oh..i want my son expert in english.. hahaha..so he can teach me. urgh..full of broken english and mistake on grammer,, heheheh.. sorry.. cant help cuz i dont like english.:(

Haikal's thing

i think better i stop now before i keep bla..bla..bla.. okay emma. please keep going and move on. just believe. if your ex is yours..he'll never forget about you even he's not with you. kalau jodoh terletak pada emma dan amer.. 'Amerma' pasti akan bersame. just give all faith to Him. not just a little. :) Amiin..make me strong Ya Allah. to be a good mother to my son.. dan sebagai hambaMu yg terima segala ujian dan segala ajaran dan suruhanMu.. dekatkan hatiku kembali kepadaMu...

Day 3: what you think your reason for being here is

i believe that everything's happen for a reason. 

but the main reason for being here is to die, sadly but that's the truth. 

but before we died. 

We have to do something,

to prove that we are worthy to live here.

to leave a mark in this world to tell the world who you are really.

someone said:

"My lifestyle 

Determines my death style

A rising tide 

That pushes to the other side"

we can choose to 

die sadly and miserable

or to die happily

or die alone

died in remembrance

and

die with our religion.. 

Islam..

Please. I should find it. before i die.

Day 2: something that’s illegal but you think it should be legal

wow, interesting topic!! well i have a lot in my mind. should i put in into a list? well maybe i should.

1. to wear or dress whatever i want to whatever i want. I means still menutup aurat..or maybe not.. hahaha... it is illegal in my religion but nowadays... you know what i means.. hahaha buat still under control..that's includes my mini skirt and cute tank top. should i wear it with my tight pants? hmmm.. 

2. a picture doing something illegal. Err.. what's that mean? 

illegal or not? it's all depend on you to decide it. the whole world doesn't have to know the truth. 

because..
rules are made to be broken.
rules was made by some jealous people who can't do it
and....

v

v

v

v

v

v

v

v

v

v

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Day 1: hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days with a picture of yourself

 i would love to start with a picture of myself. not just one. i have three caption name maya.. hehe.. but please don't blame me for my love of cam-whoring. ^^ 

i have a lot of hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days:

1. eat more and still stay in good shape. haha. but no way, i still have to work out too. :)

2. save more money for my future.

3. be able to spend more time with my family, cousins, friends and loved one.

4. open my own online shop but i need to study more about it.. urgh.. l'll try it..

5. i will be able to eat anything that i want without thinking my pocket's money

6. own a dslr, or maybe digital lomo. but i prefer dslr as i can turn it into lomo picture too. now i just have the old camera.. :(

7. improve myself.
8. get back my love one.. :) cruel enough.

9. obviously i have to finish my 365 day challenge,right?

that's all i can think for now. but i think it includes everything. i usually the type of person who didn't really plan for my future, i do put some effort to think about it and imagine myself in the near future, but i prefer to just follow the flow. hehe. wish me luck again!! hope that i can fulfill all my wishes. 

http://onlymine91.blogspot.com/p/365-day-challenge.html

Mari lap2 habuk...~

Okeh... tujuan update ini adelah.. okay i'm bored now... plus bolg ini mcm xde function pape kan.. so skrg ni nk bg balik die aktif balik.. sedih2..

Baiklah..untuk lebih terperinci.. aku skrg single.. cewah promote.. hahaha.. no more love in my life.. (padahal ade lg syg cume budget xnk tunjuk kan) kehidupan menjadi single.. hm.. amat sakit sedikit mule2 sbb yela kite pernah rase disayangi.. dikasihi.. dimanje..tp skrg..zzuuup... lesap mcm tu je.. ye tibe2 syg tu beralih dkt perempuanlen kan.. jeles pon ade gak..(tipu la kalo lgsg x jeles kan..) cube bayangkan..msg morning sunshine..pumpkin.. nite,,semue hilang mcm tu jer.. dah xde.. phone pon ala2 mxm xnk bunyik jer.. sodih2x..

dan hari ni aku boleh la nk kate aku rindu gak la kat die.. wlpn kadang2 aku msg gak ngn jumpe gak dgn die.. jalan2.. hm.. yg tu part best.. rase mcm hidup semule je lepas tiap kali jumpe die.. hahah..(meroyan) untuk tahun baru ni... aku dah byk pasang azam dah... ha yg pertame.. 1) bg semue keselesaan dan keperluan dkt kesayanganku... x kire susah mcm mane.. 2) nk kumpul duit dan harte bebanyak... sbb nnt senang xde la menjajau mx duit kat org... 3) jd lebih berdikari..x harapkan org len.. nk g memane kne berusehe.. 4) mencintai die wlpn xde org tau.. aisey tp sape yg bace blog ni dah tau la.. hish... 

ok la knape aku xleh move on gak kan wlpn ramai dah laki yg dtg kat aku.. sbb xde yg lebih terbaik drp die.. fine salah aku gak kan suke control die ape sume.. tp x bermakne la lepas die xde pape dgn aku ade perempuan lain.. haa..tu dah kire pelik kan..tp benar.. tp wlpn die mcm tu..aku tetap syg die.. skrg terase nk nyanyi lagu najwa latip plak.. ala..yg penting... kitorg mmg xkn berhenti dr berhubung.. yup.. :) aku suke giler.. sbb mostly mmg die je yg ade kat hati aku.. x kesah la org nk kate aku ni ape.. perasaan x boleh diubah..dan lebih mengerikan aku sanggup buat ape je utk dpt die balik.. hahaha... (kejam!) xde la..gurau2..

tp....terase gak mcm aku ni 2 kali lime je dgn perampas2 diluar sane... yela..depan2 mcm ok..belakang.. haaa.......~ no comment.. salah ke pertahankan cinte yg masih bersise..cewah.. sorry la kwn.. bkn niat tp hati x boleh lepas.. dan skrg.. aku sedang cube maintainkan kehidupan aku ditengah2 diorg.. 

penat2...~ lg beberape dah nk masok birthday aku,.ye nk ajak die berjalan2...tp..bolehkah die..confirm2 awek die tau nnt kalo die payah nk msg dan agkat call.. plus...bolehke aku tengok die asek msg awek die.. hahaha...gile..rumit betol.. aku ni pon satu bodoh tahap bahalol.. belajar je pandai2.. tp masih sangkut dgn mamat nih... 

Pape pon..kalo bkn jodoh aku dgn die... jauhkan la hati aku ni dgn die.. dan kalo die masih tertulis utkku..dan skrg ini adelah ujian yg diberi utk aku mengenali diri die lebih mendalam... kuatkan hati aku... :) okeh penat merepek.. nnt jap lg atau esok2 ke atau akan dtg ke...i update lg okey...~

Night2....~

angin bawa kesedihanku pergi...

Pagi ni..di office. bercadang malam td utk xnk masok keje.tp disebabkan partner x boleh gantikan. kugagahkan juga kakiku ke office. hujan dipagi hari membawa dua erti dlm hidupku.. 1) menggantikan air mate yg xdapat kutumpahkan lg. 2) rahmat dariNya agar diberi peluang utkk hidup didunia ini.. 

coretan ini pasti xda yg membacenyer sbb aku tau blog ni bukan popular sampai setiap mase ade blogger walking nk bace entry merapu ni.. dan aku lg berharap xda yg bace. cukup tempat aku meluahkan rase hati.

"I think we shouldn't be together anymore" ayat yg mengganggu tido petangku semalam. belum sempat nk balas. teros menangis nk henti2. ape salah aku lg kali ni? puas memberikan terbaik. memahami die dan keluarganya. walaupun sakit mane. ku gagahkan.sbb aku tau..kau hidupku. dan org yg paling aku cinta.. lelaki yg paling aku sanjung selepas ketiadaan ayah. pengganti ayah yg selalu memberi nasihat.. bergurau senda. 

Seharian fikir ape care terbaik untuk putuskan keputusan dia.. tp semuenye mcm xda harapan. senangnye ucapkan kalimah tu tanpe berfikir hati org. sumpah itu mmg kejam dan sgt2 pentingkan diri. kepentingan diri x bagos. akhirnye memakan diri sndr. bukan tipu tp bende tu mmg akan jd pd mase akn dtg.

selesai mengadu pada Dia. bersyukur masih ade peluang utk perbetulkan hubungan kami.. berharap hubungan ni kekal selamanya. sbb mmg 100% ku katakan. aku x boleh hidup tanpe AMIR TAKIYUDDIN SAIFULLAH. 

Die memerlukan mase untuk bersendirian skrg ni..dan aku? xtahu ape perkara terbaik yg patot aku lakukan.. mungkin cube utk berdiet.. hahaha.. ya..jage hati..supaye x tersalah tafsir dgn ape yg berlaku ni.. hm.. itu sj luahan buat mase ni.. bercerite dkt mak.. mak member sokongan.. thanks mak..maaf sbb ketepikan mak dlm hal ni.. 2 aje.. off dulu..

habok..habok.. dan habok..~

salam... hye peeps... ya ini dia blog yg sudah berhabuk lamanya... x di update..mmg sedih sungguh. huhuhu... tp xtau nk ckp pe. cume hari ini merupekan hari yg agak pening. tak tau knape.. mungkin pikir pasal audit nk dtg.haish..mcm2 hal la kat office ni. hari tu baru settle pasal kes songlap duit. mcm2 mslh

ada la satu cite ni yg membuatkan aku kehilangan duit gajiku.. haish.. poyo2 nk pakai iphone..cewah.. memandangkan hp sedia ade pon dah nk jahanam. berhajat la nk tukar baru.. dgr citer..dgr citer... celcom buat promotion pakai prepaid die dpt hp free.. aku punye la gumbira x terkate... sbb memandangkan bufday my syg2 nk dekat dah kan..ingt nk bg hadiah iphone le.. hahahaha... (budget romantik)

make aku ingt kene la bayar 300 shj.. okeh xpe..aku kuarkan jugak.. nk iphone punye pasal. tibe2 lepas die cek ic aku x lepas sbb ade bayaran tertunggak..entah bile aku pakai no maxis tahun lepas.. cam cilakak sikit.. dekat 400 tak langsai.. make aku pon berkorban beb..bayar je 700... :'( setelah selesai..tibe2 si dealer pon ckp la...total 2000 lebih... pucat muke aku!!!!

rupenyer..ku terima salah information. 2 la.. hubby da suroh aku hold dulu.. bincang nk beli bende 2..kan dah kne.. so i've lost my money..700... walawey... pedih pon ade.. tp kire ok la sbb aku skrg pakai line..cewahh.. tp x gune gak kalo pakai line tp xleh nk mesej2 kan.. hahaha..

Kesimpulannye.. berbincang la pada yg pakar.. sekian.. mood sedih.. :(